


Peter Parker's Day Off

by That_Hippie_Chick



Category: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Ferris Bueller Imitation, Field Trip, Lying Peter Parker, Parker Luck, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Sick Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23287390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Hippie_Chick/pseuds/That_Hippie_Chick
Summary: The Field Trip trope that has been done so many times. Except Peter Parker doesn't go on the field trip. Alas it still manages to suck.Well I've been sitting on this puppy for almost two years now. Enjoy and stay well.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 28
Kudos: 658
Collections: peter parker and his field trips





	1. Preview

This is just a snippet (although it may be edited out). If I could stir up some excitement it really forces me to get moving along and finish this work.

“You never had to be worried about me, because Peter Parker you will always be your own greatest downfall.”  
“Is that a movie reference that I don’t understand?”  
Tony mutters, “That’s impossible.” Peter probably heard him.  
The teacher interjects, “I am confused as of the relationship here.”  
Tony and Peter turn towards the rest, “Mr. Parker is my… intern? Protégé? We have a mentor-mentee relationship.”  
Under his breath Peter comments, “May says it is a father-son relationship.”  
“It appears that way with the amount of gray hairs you have given me. You’ve only almost died half a dozen times.”  
“Twen-“  
“Nope, don’t even want to know.”  
"Twenty-seven", I keep count.


	2. Knock, Knock Who's There

“May, I don’t feel so good…” she frowned as she felt his hands that were so clammy and then placed it on his too hot forehead. _Thank you Ferris Bueller._ “Well, I could call Tony…” _nononononononononononononono, you see here is the things this whole faking a fever to get out of school is to get out of a field trip, May doesn’t know where because she just signed and I’ve been giving as little information as possible. The field trip is to Stark Towers, and so as you imagine I don’t want to have to go to the place to avoid the same place, it is counterproductive. Resume annihilation of one Peter Parker._ “Now you know I don’t like Tony Stark with all that he puts you through, but he knows what to do with all your weird spidery hormone what-not.”

“Genetics, May. It’s genetics.”

Her nose shriveled, “It’s just weird, Peter, and Tony Stark knows what to do with your superhero flu.” Peter shook his head profusely like someone playing maracas, and then threw in one good cough. _I really need some more pointers from Ferris._

His voice is a squealing kettle as he pleads, “I wouldn’t want to bother Mr. Stark.”

“Is this because of what happened at the last you… you know.” Her fingers made like a dancing spider up his arms and then she made web-shooting hands. At that moment he peeled away in fear of actual nausea from embarrassment. That is a thing, right?

“No May, please, I promise it isn’t because of that and I’ll be good. I’m not going to miss any school work, plus I seen enough science with all my villains.”

May sucked in her lips so she was lipless, mauling over them, she looked like a toothless-baby. It is her thinker face, the one that if she was a villain, would be worn most often in a dank little lair where she plotted twenty different plans to tear a little red and blue bug into a dish of shredded pork, “Fine, but I’ll be calling you at lunch time. No shenanigans or holliganery.”

In the warbled, sandpapery, unpaved, raspiest voice ever Peter gave her a strained grin, he knew this one all too well. It is the same grin he always gives people after he has been hit by the equivalent of six Mack trucks and he tries to convince them he’ll be good to go into school tomorrow. So it’s true the greatest lie lies within the truth, “Thank you, May.” She leaned down and gave him a quick peck like a chicken looking for feed.

She stopped at the door way, “And no saving the world.” Peter flashes her a true beaming smile. His mouth was so open you could see every single teeth along with the gums. Not even his tonsils hid in the cavern of his mouth, “Like I would actually be able to stop you.”

∞

Even after the door closed Peter gave it a good ten minutes. Then when he was sure that slam was final, that there would be no echoing, he sprung from his bed. _Now I know what you are thinking. It is time to call in the pizza guy, and order 3 pizzas because, yes, I can eat that much. Its time to play Megasonic Neutron Starfighters till May gets home from work. I should be sliding around in my underwear to Bill Seger. Or go see the sights, because boy does New York City have sights. But while I love all those things, and more so put together there is nothing that I want to do more than finish my English essay and go to sleep. I know Spider-Man, what a snooze. But it helps the guilt. Actually sort of using the sick day as sick day. Plus if I’m sleeping then I won’t hear anything about any miscreants. And sleep, I love being a snooze._

∞

“That was so uncool of Peter to not even let us know he wasn’t coming. I know he gets to come here every day, but still… I should have believed him when he said he was going to fake sick.” Ned trudged onto the bus and sat towards the front, because all the ‘cool’ kids had taken up the back half.

MJ shrugged, “He has the rights to do whatever he wants.” She shouldered in next to him.

Ned sighed, “His loss. He is stuck at home all day.”

∞

Peter’s eyes bored into the light ripples along his ceiling as an enormous storm loomed over his cavernous stomach. The storm had the whole gastric acid ocean walloping large ships with massive waves as the dark clouds hovered over like charcoal smudges. In his restlessness, why did he ever decide that just laying in bed all day was a good idea, he felt a pang of hunger. His whole stomach would ripple as the storm crashed like symbols, and the waves slapped against the broken boards of what use to be the proud Anne Marie. This was hunger that needed to be answered or his stomach would eat him alive. He would just have to chance being caught to survive, and so with that he rolled out of his bed. Then like a log rushing towards the stream to later be caught downriver he rolled until he bumped into the doorframe.

Then with grace and agile he scampers silently up the wall till he hangs upside down . Peter presses his finger against his lips, _Shhh be vewy vewy quiet I’m hunting wabbit._ He springs upon the unexpecting galvanized mammoth and he then flings the two heavy doors and it opens to reveal something even Peter’s eyes can’t believe. Something so astonishing that the sea within is crashing as he pushes towards this blue light cavern of wonder. Wonder of how there is nothing to eat. Seriously the Parkers need to go grocery shopping. Peter grumbles once again fooled by hope. This is the third spy reenactment in the past hour. At this rate he’ll be eating condiments.

He pushes pass the green simmering turkey meatloaf. WARNING: If this green substance is touched your skin slowly drips off the meat and bone off your finger like a candle. Except burnt skin doesn’t smell like pleasant apple cinnamon. However, if coated in something like ranch or any other condiment that tends to stomp over the palette and mask this villain in a more hopeful light then you will only wish you had not eaten it slightly. However beyond the bush of wilted kale and spinach, there was something glistening something hopeful. Will Peter once again be able to harvest something fruitful? Last time he found a couple eggs that he cooked, then May’s not so bad lasagna and pancakes. The coveted May Parker pancakes. His fingers deftly grabbed the white take out box. Peter’s stomach grumbled and growled and moaned and howled and made a whole cacophony of noises as if a group of little monstrous gremlins were banging around as their own band. And score! It is leftover Thai food from two nights ago. This just may be the best results yet.

In relief he pulled the Styrofoam container, and gleamed down at his prize. Then in his periphery… Peter slapped his face as he saw the two long metal limbs stride past the window adjacent to him. Peter groans as he shoves the leftover Thai into the fridge. _Should have looked for just two more seconds. Stupid Parker luck._

∞

The tour guide’s twiney little limbs wobbled and lopped about. Her coffee hair straightened in an army line hung dully like an abandoned old string hung out to dry. The sleek light gray with blue lapels lab coat made her look simpler and smaller. Her arms failed being helpful as they flung to point at the people diligently working on tech and specs and collaborating with each other. Her words stumbled over each other, with one stopping and then the other tripping over the sudden obstacle. “A-uh-um any questions?” Her words were jammed as they came out in choppy cadences. Word constipation. A very bad case.

Many kids raised their hands, but she pointed to the girl with straight, dark hair and a confident smile on her face. Her clothes were simple and polished, “Do you like working here?” There she stood, her strappy young self, gung ho on a good career.

She focused on the blue eyes, they were delightful bounties of streaming water, “Well hopefully I’ll be one of them done there, but I worked so hard to get here. I was top of my class, but the minute you come here you dwarfed by much bigger minds and it is humbling. I think in the end it was worth it, because even though I’m not much of a tour guide. I’m living to my full potential here. Well, not here right now, but I will be.” Her younger self nodded, and her eyes glistened. That one nod patted her heart, that was the right thing to say.

Her arm a little bit more directed picked out the guy in the red polo who had been writing down notes the entire tour, she had a small smile when she had seen it, these were the science kids. It painfully reminded her of the kids she had not long ago gone to school with, “What does it take to get a job here?”

She then chooses a girl, who seems nonchalant hanging in the back with another guy. However, she had paid close attention to many things making sure to brush her curly brown hair out of the way, “What do you get paid?”

The tour guide gave a partial smile, the most she could muster, “We’re not allowed to disclose this information, but there is no struggle to live in Manhattan close to the job. So as you may imagine it is fairly lucrative.”

The next question came some dude with his collar popped and a nice watch on his wrist, “What about internships?”

“They are great stepping stone into this world, however they are very difficult to land as we only allow two to three high school students participate per year.”

“Do you know if Peter Parker is an intern here?”

“I haven’t heard of him, but I don’t work closely with the interns.” She could see his brain wheel through his eyes. They were rolling about like he was trying to connect things, like those spinning wheels of death that happens whenever your computer freezes.

Her hands had mini sesimatic quivers as she found one the last students, “Is this a really loose work environment?”

“No. It is a very professional work place. I guess gets the idea that since Iron Man’s name is on the company means we all the sudden have open work places, but Stark Industries is productive because we have a stream lined and regulated work area. We are very serious about what we do here.”

She spotted a hand shoot up, and she gave nudged her chin towards them, “Where is Mr. Stark?” One last question and then it is finally over.

Finally the question emerges, she slicked her palms against the cotton lab coat, “Well he may make an appearance later on, but it is very rare that we run into Tony Stark.” She noticed then that students were silently bubbling as they all stared in the general direction.

A man dressed nicely was coming towards them. He was far away enough she couldn’t quite discern if that was a goatee or not, but the way his black suit stuck out amongst the coats, the polo shirts, khakis, and dress shirts. No one else was wearing some suit that had its own farm and family to gather all the materials and sew it by hand. He started getting closer and the legend started to come together as features came into focus. In no time the man in an Armani suit, immaculately trimmed and groomed WORD, and a watch that cost a year of rent at her apartment was taking his last brisk step with his dress shoes.

There was not a single breath from the group, they had all been blown away and now there was nothing there. Not a single wisp, and Tony Stark just looked and tapped at her name card, “Thank you Bridget, I’ll be taking over.”

Tony peeked around the group of high school students with solar system sized eyes with little gleams of stars twinkling. He poked between the forest of paralyzed high schoolers. Tony just turned to the equally jaw falling off like a rusty fender teacher, Mr. Harrington, “Where is Parker?”

Then snapped from his hypnotization he stuttered, “I… uh… he is marked absent.” His papers were flying about as he shuffled through them.

Tony crossed his arms still studying the pillars of statues like Peter just may be in their holding a pose to blend in, “ _Harumph_ well now I’ll guess I’ll take you guys on the rest of the tour. This is a more uh… exclusive tour. I don’t give this tour often, but I can tell you guys will appreciate it.” The magical periwinkle dust sprung alive the forest into chitters and chatters like Disney birds were twittering and little Disney chipmunks were scampering through the highways of branches.

∞

“I want to prove to you that I can rise to greater heights!” Spider-Man controls his gag reflex as he shoots webs and tries to wrap, wrap, wrap around the skyscraper legs.

“You really need to work on your catchphrases.” The NYPD in the years of experiences blocks off the roads, so Peter plans the Stilt-Man’s descent. He pictures him toppling onto the ground in a grand arch, and of course the police officers clapping him on the back… and he keeps daydreaming. Of course there isn’t enough web fluid to hold down all those legs. Spider-Man scurries up the continuously extending legs. _If I make it to the controls maybe I can make descend back to the ground._ Stilt-Man continues elevating higher and higher, and Spider-Man grumbles, “I feel like Jack climbing the beanstalk.”

 _So this is what I be doing all day if I wasn’t going to school. Climbing up the never ending bean stalk till the air gets so thin that I have trouble breathing._ Finally the suit seems to stop extending, and Spider-Man smirks, “Your heads are in the clouds if you think you are going to get away with this Stilt-Man!”

His voice echoes down to Spidey still ascending to the top, “But I already have Spider-Man. With my stilts I see everything, and with my superior height and technology I will be able to take over and rule whatever I see! And thanks to your help I can prove that even Spider-Man is no match for me.” His voice grows nearer, by the end of his monologue. _Guess rope really did pay off after all those years of humiliation._

“Okay Yertle!” Spider-Man hollers to the man standing at the top of New York.

“I am no squamish issue to be likened to a Dr. Suess Character. I AM STILT-MAN!” _Heh, he actually understood my reference._

Peter quips back, “Squamish? Dude we need to work on your fake words.”

“Squamish like a squash like I’m going to squash you like a BUG!” Peter’s fingers gripped around the edge of the helmet he wore. “I knew you were close Spider-Man, but I wasn’t worried because I. HAVE. THIS.” His metal gloves wrapped around Spider-Man’s bicep. His eyes blow up like balloons, as he feels a massive tingly in his neck. Electricity coursed through him, and he yelped. Time to take the short way down back to floor one. _We got a Shocker wannabe._

Quickly, and knowing with the velocity he is falling at that this is probably going to hurt, he shoot a web onto the extendo legs. His shoulders yank, but with all this momentum he makes a downward spiral with webs. He wraps the wavering poles shooting towards the sky like Christmas lights on a Christmas tree. But the strands tear as the mammoth legs take another step, “You do not skip leg day!” Just then the leg he was dangling on bends and then shakes him off. Indeed like a little spider him and his string fly off. He looks back at his trajectory, and…

 _No no no n-_ _Oh, hey. Welcome back to Peter Parker’s Life Can Be Summed up as Your Wife Threw You Out of the House and Now your Mattress is on Fire Show. Today our lovely contenstant is Stilt-Man. Yes, you heard me right. Stilt-Man. Kind of took my initials and hyphen, man. And of course you ever wonderful host Spider-Man. The first man to ever do the hyphen, and yes he has trademarked climbing walls, shooting things out of his wrist, and making very bad puns. Uh, I must have read the card wrong. Nope my producers are assuring me that it was meant to be bad puns. Moving on from that very hurtful comment. So if you can’t tell right now I am about to fall into the Avengers Tower. Yes the place I have been avoiding all day. Now resume the annihilation of one Peter Parker. Get ready to put this in the fail compilation Becky! Because this going to be…_ The cloud of glass reflected in the sun and glittered like sparks jumping out of a fire, and in that moment where the sun’s offsprings twinkle at you and you are floating in midair if you ignore that you just lost to Stilt-Man it is gorgeous, breathtaking, just like the upcoming landing that is going to make you deflate in a second flat.

∞

Sam Wilson stops mid-bit into a Danish as he looks at the speeding torpedo making its way towards the tower. Glass dusts the ground in front of him and a human in spandex drives into the ground, “Hey Steve we have a visitor!” Natasha and Clint come to stand by Sam as they look down at the still body. It’s groaning, and not moving.

Then patriotic boots crunch in the glass as he steps over to see what they all vultured around. “Oh boy,” he mutters. Spider-Man looks like a splayed dead body lying in a bed of sparkles.

He groans, “Hey guys.” A couple fingers twitch on one hand as he attempted to wave, “Did any of you see some guy with legs that go for miles?”

Clint rubs at his chin, “I thought I saw something weird.”

More concerned with the teenager paralyzed on the floor, Steve kneels down to assess the situation, “Not to worry about that now. Can you move?” Spider-Man starts to push up from his location, but Steve pushes him back down, “Stay down, Spidey. That looks pretty painful.”

“In a couple of minutes, yeah, I can get up in a couple of minutes.” Peter watches the symbol of the country’s face exude disbelief, “Don’t get worried gramps, I’ve gotten through worse. I’ve plow through this kind of stuff all the time. Like that time with Rhino, he really knows how to pile dr-“

Sam taps at the Danish so the glass crystals fall off, “Aren’t you supposed to be in school or something?” Peter gives them an award winning stained grin, not that they know.

Natasha stepped to leave, “I’ll get Bruce; he knows the most about weird biology out of all of us.”

“No, no seriously give me a couple moments. No need to get all worried. Or tell anyone else that I am here. Sure this will bruise, and hurt like a b*#@%. But it will be all good and then I go for round two.”

“Peter this is when you stop and take a break.” Steve reaches for his mask, and peels it off gently, “You at least got a concussion, but you probably broke something.”

“Ow, the bones will heal.”

“What did you bre-“ There was a violent ringing.

Suddenly his eyes became saucer wide enormous, “S*#%.” He inched his finger into his pocket, and carefully pulled the noisy culprit. Of course there could only be one person on the other end. The one person that said she would call at lunch. It still is only brunch time. “Hey, May... *cough* *cough*. Yep all tucked in bed. Snug like a bug.” He was “Oh, you uh saw the news. Heh… yeah I guess it is pretty weird that Spider-Man is not in bed. No I am fine, brushed it off.”

The Avengers looming figures shadowed over him and frowned at him. Natasha’s hands fell onto her waist, “Sick now are we?”

Steve sighed as he continued his ministrations finding every broken bone, “Peter, we are very disappointed you should be in school.”

Peter frowns, “I’m sorry, I just…” He

Sam brushed the Danish crumbs off his hands, “Leave him alone guys. He just got flung over a mile into the window and landed. Plus his aunt will probably bring down her own kind of h-e-double hockey sticks.”

Peter slowly unravels from his spot, and Steve goes to grab his bicep to pull him up but Peter moves away at the sting of the touch. Before Steve can ask, “Electrical burn.” He stretches the most he can with all his broken ribs and that one pesky collarbone. Which of course Steve demands he at least reset it, and maybe get him a sling.

“Okay Peter, we also need to take care of these little cuts you got from the glass and that burn. You probably have glass embedded in your back.” _Wow, do I love the sound of that._

∞

Tony smiles as he looks at all the kids who looked liked they had died and gone to heaven twice over. They had not just got to stand on observatory balconies, Tony lead them through labs and had them talk to employees on the different floors. He is pretty sure half the kids went into a comatose when they came face to face with Bruce Banner. Now they all stood at the ten foot doors that would lead into the Avenger’s penthouse. The forecast also calls for a 100% chance of a multiple Avengers sighting. Steve, Natasha, Clint, and Sam. If anything he would manage to land some hopefully prospects from Midtown in the future.

His hand landed on the door knob, and there was a sudden collective breath of air taken. He slowly turned it, and pushed it open so that they could take in every single pixel as they experienced it. “This is where the Avengers hangout, recover from fights, and just generally live.”

In the main living area is Steve and Natasha. Natasha seems to be restocking the first aid kit, while Steve sweeps something up near the windows, “Hey that glass is supposed to be unbreakable!”

Tony then bellows, “Clint! Sam! There better be some explaining!”

Clint gambled out from the living hall, “Oh there is an explanation, but it wasn’t me.”

Sam now with a smoothie came from the kitchen, “Nothing to do with it. I swear. I was eating a Danish and BOOM!”

Steve placates, “Tony, there was an incident. We’ll brief you later.”

Soft pattering came from another hallway. That isn’t right, they were all accounted for. A limber young male was drifting towards the kitchen, but then halted as he noted the large group of very familiar people looking back at him. “Pete, oh boy your aunt is really going to have me by my ba- err… neck now.”

The dawning realization comes across Peter’s face when he sees his classmates and Mr. Stark at the helm, “Oh, oh…” he points towards the way he came, “and I’ll be leaving now.”

“Mr. Parker?” the teacher asks quizocally, his eyes narrowing on the generally beaten up appearance and the blue sling holding his arm against his chest.

“I’m pretty sure my aunt called me in sick today.”

Tony confirms, “Your d@*# right that is Mr. Parker.” Tony turns toward Peter, “Now tell me, are you actually sick?” Peter gave him a meek grin.

One of the students raised their hand, Tony sighed as he gestured to them. He had explained how he found hand raising _unnecessary_ , but these kids were polite. “You okay Peter? You seem to have quite a few cuts.”

“It was a subway accident. I ate a really bad burrito, got sick, and had a subway accident.”

Someone snickered, “Dude no one believes you. A subway can’t cause this. Plus, didn’t we clarify that your not sick.”

Tony crossed his arms, “No, no we did not. So Peter Parker are you actually sick?” He made sure to punctuate each word.

“I may have faked sick to get out of the field trip so I wouldn’t have been embarrassed by you.” *Cough* *Cough*

“You never had to be worried about me, because Peter Parker you will always be your own greatest downfall.”

“Is that a movie reference that I don’t understand?”

Tony mutters, “That’s impossible.” Peter probably heard him.

The teacher interjects, “I am confused as of the relationship here.”

Tony and Peter turn towards the rest, “Mr. Parker is my… intern? Protégé? We have a mentor-mentee relationship.”

Under his breath Peter comments, “May says it is a father-son relationship.”

“It appears that way with the amount of gray hairs you have given me. You’ve only almost died half a dozen times.”

“Twen-“

“Nope, don’t even want to know.” _Twenty-seven, I keep count. I made it twenty-eight today._ Tony turns to the students, “Any questions for the Avengers.”

Flash’s hand waved and begged ‘pick me, pick me’, “What is Spider-Man like? Oh, and is he actually friends with Peter?”

Steve’s hand lands on Peter’s shoulder nearly causing him to cling onto the ceiling, “Well, I’m friends with Peter.” _My day cannot get any worse._

“PETER PARKER COME AND FACE YOUR DOOM!” _Oh I’m sorry I spoke to soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I sort of left this hanging open, but I think it is fine without more. But hey you want me to continue that last thought. Why not I kind of have a lot of time on my hands right now.
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated.


End file.
